


Haunted

by madamteatime



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 06:10:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2218713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamteatime/pseuds/madamteatime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He’s never seen a ghost cry, but it sort of looks like pearls.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haunted

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [How to lose a life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/657055) by [madamteatime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamteatime/pseuds/madamteatime). 



> Following the theme of songs inspired by Beyonce the album

It's the silence that finally gets to him.

The house feels too quiet - muted, like he's underwater. Only minutes ago Jihye had been sobbing into his neck, and Changmin had hugged her and comforted her the way a brother ought to.

The way Yunho would have.

His keys clatter on the kitchen counter, a jarring note against the muffled roar in his head.

He sees the casket again in his mind's eye, the wreaths of sunflowers - Yunho's favorite - the pale features of his most beloved, his most precious person.

Changmin crumples to the floor and doesn't move.

\- - -

When he wakes he's in his bed and Kyuhyun's worried face is hovering over him.

"Kyu," Changmin rasps.

"Did you faint? We found you in the hallway," Kyuhyun says.

His side aches, so yeah he probably fainted. Changmin drags himself upright and drops his head in his hands.

"Chamomile tea," Boa bustles into the room carrying a tray. "And chocolate biscuits. Eat." She sits beside him and sets the tray down.

"I'm not hungry," Changmin whispers. 

"You haven't eaten in two days." Boa holds the mug up and forces him to take it.

Changmin feels numb. His throat works, then abruptly closes up. He can't swallow. He can't breathe.

He's crying before he realises what's happening, great shuddering sobs that shake his whole body and send the tea splashing over the edge of the cup. Kyuhyun grabs it quickly and sets it aside.

"Shit," he murmurs.

"Changmin - " Boa starts.

"I can't -" Changmin gasps. "I can't breathe - "

"Changmin!" Boa grabs his face. "Look at me. Deep breaths, come on -"

"I can't -" Tears choke him, make his head spin. "Hyung - hyung -"

Boa's expression crumples. She grits her teeth, eyes bright. "He's gone Changdola. He's not coming back."

A sound like a wounded animal rips through the room and it takes Changmin a second to realise it's him, he's making that sound, that ugly broken wail -

Kyuhyun and Boa crush him from either side, their arms going around him, and Changmin buries his face in Kyuhyun's neck and cries. He feels Boa shudder and soak his shoulder with tears, feels Kyuhyun's fingers clutched white-knuckled in his shirt.

But nothing can ever make him feel right again.

\- - -

It takes him a few days to convince himself to get out of bed. 

Part of him just wants to wallow in his grief forever; without Yunho his life feels hollow, deprived of all meaning and purpose. 

Another part of him knows he needs to be strong, to move on, that Yunho would not want him to give up. Yunho always believed in him so much – _You can do anything you want Changdola. You’re so talented and wonderful –_

It’s this knowledge that eventually drives Changmin out of bed and into the shower. He washes his despair off like a second skin and reminds himself that he can’t disappoint Yunho, even a Yunho who is no longer with him. Yunho had believed in him, and now he would have to believe in himself.

Armed with new purpose, Changmin wanders into his kitchen and stops dead.

He’s going crazy.

He’s lost his fucking mind, because there’s no way Yunho is sitting on the countertop, swinging his legs and humming under his breath.

His face lights up the second he spots Changmin. The rest of him lights up too – there’s an odd sort of glow around him, blurring him around the edges.

“Changminnie!” Yunho says.

Changmin stumbles back, runs to his room and slams the door behind him.

\- - -

“Kyu,” Changmin hisses into his phone. “I need you to come over.”

“What happened? Is everything okay?” 

“I just – please – ”

“I’m on the way.”

Changmin hears a blur of sound from behind Kyuhyun. Someone calls out and Kyuhyun gives a short, sharp reply, and Changmin remembers belatedly that he’s in rehearsals for his musical. _Shit_.

“Wait wait, Kyu,” he says. “It’s okay, I’m fine – ”

“Changmin what’s wrong?” Kyuhyun sounds genuinely concerned now. 

Changmin chews his lower lip and darts a glance at his bedroom door.

“I saw Yunho in my kitchen,” he whispers down the line.

Somehow even Kyuhyun’s silence manages to convey pity. Changmin squirms.

“Changmin-ah. . .” he starts.

“It’s fine,” Changmin blurts out. “I was just hallucinating. Probably hungry.” 

Kyuhyun sighs. Suddenly Changmin doesn’t want him to come over – he’s tired of being pitied, tired of being tiptoed around and coddled like a child. 

“Don’t come over,” he says. “Seriously, I’m fine. Just freaked out for a second there.” 

“Are you sure? It’s no problem –”

“No really. Go back to your rehearsal,” Changmin swallows. “Please.” 

“Okay,” Kyuhyun sounds reluctant. “But I’m calling you in an hour to check on you, deal?”

“Okay. That’s totally allowed.”

They hang up and Changmin stares at his door, licking his lips nervously. 

“I’m not crazy,” he mutters. He yanks the door open and stalks into his living room.

Yunho jumps up from the couch and pouts at him.

“Changdola! Why’d you run away from me?” he demands.

Changmin stands there frozen, taking in that achingly familiar face. Yunho is dressed in a casual t-shirt and jeans, his hair the same soft black hairstyle he had when he passed away.

“This isn’t happening,” Changmin manages through stiff lips.

Understanding softens Yunho’s face. He steps closer; there’s something washed out about his appearance, the colours of his skin and clothes somehow faded. . .

“Changminnie,” he says.

Up close, Changmin realises that Yunho is also transparent. It’s faint, but he can definitely see the outline of the couch through his body. A hysterical laugh bubbles up his throat.

“Hyung,” he says. “You’re a ghost.”

Yunho scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “Yeah. Sorry to startle you – um, surprise?”

Changmin can’t help it – he starts laughing. He collapses on the couch in complete hysterics, laughing his head off until he abruptly dissolves into hiccupping sobs. Tears streaming down his face he looks up at Yunho, who is hovering over him with a worried look on his ghostly face.

“You left me,” Changmin chokes out. “How could you leave me?”

Yunho’s face falls.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to.”

Changmin makes a distraught little sound and wipes his face. Of course he didn’t mean to – nobody _means_ to die of heart failure at 30. Young, seemingly healthy, energetic Yunho felled suddenly and unexpectedly, and Changmin left behind to pick up the shattered pieces of himself. He takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm down.

“You’re really – you’re here,” he says shakily. 

Yunho raises his hand, palm flat, and Changmin puts his own palm against it. Or at least he tries to – his hand goes through Yunho’s, and a chill from his ghostly touch shoots up his spine. Changmin shivers.

“H-How can you be a ghost?” he stammers out. 

Yunho shifts. “I had some unfinished business here. So I declined to go. . .on.”

“Unfinished business? With who?” 

“With you, silly,” Yunho gives him a half smile. 

Changmin blinks. “Me?”

Yunho sighs and sits beside him on the couch. Changmin wonders briefly why he doesn’t sink through it, then realises that Yunho is hovering just slightly above the seat. Hysterics threaten to overwhelm him again and he bites down on his lower lip.

“I couldn’t go on without knowing you’d be okay. That you would get through it without me. So I came back,” Yunho says.

Changmin tries to wrap his head around the magnitude of what he’s saying. 

“You declined a spot in heaven just so you could come back and make sure I’m okay?”

Yunho tilts his head, his ghost eyes soft and sad. “What’s heaven without you in it?”

Changmin looks down, his hair swinging across to hide the fresh track of tears down his face.

\- - -

Eventually Changmin sobs himself to a hiccupping stop. Yunho is quiet beside him, his ghost hand hovering over Changmin's shoulder.

Changmin goes to the bathroom and washes his face, Yunho floating after him silently. He stares at himself in the mirror - red eyes, red nose and wan cheeks - and scrubs a hand through his hair.

"Jesus. I'm a mess," he mutters.

"I'd be worse if something happened to you," Yunho offers from the doorway.

Changmin takes a deep breath and turns to face him.

"So what now? You're just going to haunt me for the rest of my life?"

"Nope. I'm on a mission," Yunho beams. "I have to make sure you're happy and moving on with your life."

Changmin doesn't think he'll ever be happy again. “How exactly are you planning to do that?”

“Simple. You have to fall in love with someone else,” Yunho says. 

Changmin stares at him. He can’t be serious. "And if that's not possible?"

Yunho's shoulders slump. "Then I'm stuck. I'll be a ghost forever."

Changmin stares at him. "You gambled an eternity on my happiness?"

"Yeah. No pressure though!" Yunho grins at him.

Changmin can feel a headache coming on.

\- - - 

Kyuhyun comes over to check on him.

Changmin hugs him for a whole minute as soon as he walks in. Kyuhyun is so warm and solid and _real_ , he never wants to let go. Kyuhyun hugs him back and doesn’t complain, and when they eventually untangle themselves Changmin feels raw and vulnerable. His gaze darts away and he licks his lips nervously.

“Have I ever told you how glad I am to have you?” Changmin says. Kyuhyun grins and ruffles his hair.

“Yeah. I’m glad I have you too.”

There’s a bang from the hallway and they both jump. Changmin looks around – his door just slammed itself shut. He narrows his eyes.

“Must be the wind. Come on.” He leads the way to his living room, ignoring the flicker at the corner of his eye.

They grab junk food and a stack of their favorite video games. Kyuhyun brought wine but Changmin doesn’t feel like drinking – he needs all his wits about him, because about an hour in Yunho materialises on top of his bookcase and gazes down at them.

“This is really boring,” he says. Changmin tries his best to ignore him – Kyuhyun clearly can’t see Yunho or he’d be freaking out by now.

Yunho floats down from the bookcase and settles beside Changmin.

“Your character is about to die,” he points out.

“Fuck off,” Changmin growls.

“You fuck off,” Kyuhyun replies easily as he kills Changmin’s character. 

Yunho laughs and stretches out on his back. “Did you know I can move objects with my ghost powers? Maybe I should scare Kyuhyunnie.”

Changmin slants an annoyed look to his side. When he doesn’t reply Yunho rises up on his elbows and blows in his ear, his cold cold ghost breath shivering down Changmin’s spine. He shudders.

“Will you stop!” he jerks around, but Yunho is gone. 

“Huh?” Kyuhyun pauses the game and looks at him. 

Changmin drops his controller and rubs his forehead. He’s physically and emotionally exhausted, and ghost Yunho is being a dick. 

“I think I just want to go to bed,” he mumbles. 

“Okay,” Kyuhyun turns the console off. “Want me to go?”

Changmin doesn’t want to be alone with only the ghost of Yunho for company. It was a unique sort of torture, having him there but not really there.

“No,” he takes hold of Kyuhyun’s sleeve. “Can you – stay the night with me?”

Kyuhyun nods. “Sure.” 

Changmin knows he’s being needy but fuck it, he gets to be needy right now. They get ready for bed and slide under the covers and Changmin shuffles closer to Kyuhyun’s warmth.

“Can we cuddle for a while?” he asks, voice small.

Kyuhyun laughs and pulls him close, and Changmin wraps his arms around his middle. His eyes land on the end of the bed and Yunho materialises there with a pout on his face.

“I want to cuddle too,” he whines.

Changmin lays his head on Kyuhyun’s shoulder and tries to remember the feel of Yunho in his arms, his warmth and scent and touch. 

His hand reaches out and clutches at empty air.

\- - -

“Oh she’s cute.”

Changmin closes his eyes and stifles a groan. He stumbles on the next step and the new dancer noona gives him a concerned look.

“Should we take five?” she says.

“No, it’s fine,” Changmin mumbles.

“Get it Changminnie,” Yunho cheers from behind him. Changmin emits a long-suffering sigh before he can stop himself, then gives the dancer noona an apologetic look.

“Yeah actually, let’s take a break,” he says.

She nods and pats his shoulder, somewhat pertinently exiting the room to give him some space. Changmin slumps against the wall and slides down to the floor.

Yunho materialises beside him, arms around his knees.

“No?” he grins.

“She’s very cute,” Changmin says. “I’m not interested.”

“Why not,” Yunho whines. 

“Hyung do I seriously look like I’m ready to be emotionally invested in a relationship right now?” Changmin snaps.

Yunho has no answer to that. Silenced, he looks around the room.

“What are you doing back in the studio? I thought you were on indefinite hiatus,” he says.

Changmin watches him, the depths of his eyes mercurial. 

“I’m recording an album,” he says softly. “A tribute album. For you.”

Yunho’s face dims, the ghostly glow around him fading. There’s an odd quality to his ghost self – as though the gravity of his own death hasn’t quite hit him yet, while Changmin’s sitting there feeling like he’s been run over by a 16 wheeler. 

“Oh,” Yunho looks down. “That’s sweet.”

“It’s not sweet it’s fucking depressing,” Changmin snarls.

“Then why are you doing it?”

“Because I – ” Changmin stutters to a stop and swallows. He can’t handle this strange, emotionally detached Yunho. “Because I miss you. And I want to remember you this way – through song.”

Cold air whispers past his ear. The mirrors rattle. 

The air around Yunho grows dark.

“Everyone’s pitching in.” Changmin continues. “Boa wrote a duet – we’re singing it together.”

He’s never seen a ghost cry, but it sort of looks like pearls.

\- - -

Boa comes over to work on their song. 

She takes one look at Yunho hovering awkwardly in the hallway and heaves a sigh.

“Of course you’re here.”

Yunho nods in greeting. “Sup.”

Changmin stares at her. “You can see him?” 

“Yeah,” Boa frowns at Yunho. “I’ve always been able to see ghosts. Why do you think I picked a career where it’s normal to be eccentric?”

“Oh my god,” Changmin says. “I’m surrounded by weirdos.” 

“Birds of a feather,” Yunho mumbles as Changmin walks past him.

“You got something to say ghost boy?” Changmin demands.

Yunho’s grin is unnaturally bright. “Nope! I’m just glad to see Boa.”

“You’re an idiot,” Boa tells him.

“I had to come back for him!” Yunho protests.

“Of course you did. Why am I even surprised? You don’t _think_ do you, I swear if I could whack you over the head right now – ”

Changmin’s missing something. “Wait, why are you mad at him?”

Boa and Yunho grow silent. They exchange a meaningful look before Yunho shrugs and indicates that Boa should explain. She licks her lips and meets Changmin’s eye.

“Souls aren’t meant to be ghosts Changdola,” she says. “It’s not good for them. It. . .changes them.”

Unease slides up Changmin’s spine. “Changes them how?”

“It makes them – wrong. If they never complete the task they became a ghost for it eventually makes them bad.”

“Are you telling me,” Changmin says slowly. “That if I don’t find someone else to fall in love with Yunho is eventually going to. . .what, turn into an evil spirit?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you.” There’s sorrow and worry in equal measures in the look Boa turns on him.

Yunho’s disappeared. Hiding probably, like a goddamn coward.

“Hyung you idiot!” Changmin shouts at the empty air. 

Silence answers him, silence and a gust of cold air.

\- - -

Once Yunho tells Boa all about his ghostly mission she decides to make it her own too. 

They set up blind dates for Changmin – with his reluctant agreement, because hey, the last thing he wants is for Yunho to become an evil ghost for all eternity – but none of them really go anywhere. He isn’t picky about gender, but the reality is that he’s finding it impossible to make a connection with anyone. Nobody gets it; people are either too cold or too concerned; he doesn’t want to be coddled but he doesn’t want them to skirt around the whole Yunho issue either. 

“You’re not ready,” Boa sighs. They’re at a coffee shop sucking down strawberry shakes and caramel macchiatos. 

Changmin feels harassed and wrung out. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be ready.”

“Just give it time,” she says.

Changmin drops his head in his hands. “I can’t do this Boa-yah,” he whispers.

It’s the way he says it, no honorifics or reference to station. Boa’s gaze softens, and she reaches across the table and takes Changmin’s hand.

“Come on,” she tugs him to his feet.

Changmin stumbles after her, confused. “Where?”

“We’re going to remind you that your memories of Yunho were happy ones, not ones to sit around and cry about. Where was the last place you guys ate together?”

Changmin isn’t so sure about this. “A barbeque place in Gangnam.”

He gives her the address and Boa leads the way. It’s a little-known restaurant, out of the way and discreet. Changmin’s throat closes up as they step inside, but then Boa touches the small of his back and he swallows.

He looks up at the low ceiling once they’re seated and manages a small smile.

“Hyung almost brained himself on that beam getting up from here,” he says.

Boa snorts. “He would. How was he so clumsy in normal life but so graceful on stage?”

“It’s a mystery,” Changmin agrees. 

They order food, then Boa calls Kyuhyun to join them, and Kyuhyun calls Minho and Suho and soon it’s a party at the little barbeque place and Changmin is happy for the first time in what feels like decades. He even has a few drinks – his first drink since Yunho died.

He and Boa stumble back to his place around midnight after wildly over-tipping the cab driver for putting up with their drunk renditions of Mr Taxi, Changmin having declared that her house was too far for her to go back to tonight.

“I get the bed!” Boa squeals in that cute pitch her voice gets only when she’s drunk. She takes a running leap onto Changmin’s bed and burrows under the covers.

“Oi! My bed,” Changmin tumbles down next to her and tugs at the covers, trying to pry them out of Boa’s death grip.

“Hrrrffgh,” Boa snores in his general direction.

Changmin gives up and closes his eyes, and they fall asleep pressed against each other.

\- - -

“Hey Changmin-ah,” Yongjoo, one of his songwriters, corners him after a recording. “Do you have a second?”

Changmin sets his headphones aside and nods. “Sure. What’s up?” 

Yongjoo waits for the studio to empty before rolling his chair over to Changmin’s side.

“I heard you’re – um – dating recently?” he starts. He looks kind of nervous.

Curious, Changmin nods. “Yeah. Sort of – just trying to meet new people, you know?”

Yongjoo nods and scoots closer. “I also heard you, uh, swing both ways. You and Yunho hyung – ”

Changmin narrows his eyes, unsure where this is heading now. “We were together. Everyone knows,” he says edgily. “Is that a problem?”

Yongjoo’s eyes widen. “Wha – no, no! That’s – what I mean is – ” He takes a breath. “I’m trying to ask you out,” he says in a rush. “If that’s okay. Just a coffee or something, it doesn’t have to be anything serious. Unless you want it to be, I don’t know. . .”

Changmin blinks, completely taken aback.

A door slams down the hallway.

“I – well, I’m – ”

A pen slips off the table and embeds itself in the wall at some terrifying speed. They both jump, and Yongjoo’s mouth drops open.

Changmin goes cold.

“That’s probably not a good idea,” he says slowly.

Yongjoo looks back at him, his face falling. He’s cute, short and wide-eyed, but Changmin’s more concerned for his safety at the moment. A water bottle near the soundboard wobbles dangerously.

“I’m very flattered,” he says gently. “But I can’t date you.”

Yongjoo looks disappointed, but he nods and bows himself out of the room.

Changmin waits for his footsteps to fade before sighing.

“Stop that,” he says to the seemingly empty room.

Yunho doesn’t materialise, but the invisible rumble of displeasure stops.

\- - -

"Are you going to sulk forever?" Changmin asks as he's making dinner that night.

"I'm not sulking," Yunho says. He looks a little different when he appears - his clothes darker, the glow around him dimmed.

Changmin tips some vegetables into his stir fry. "For someone trying to get me into a relationship you got awfully upset when a man asked me out."

"Because it was a man," Yunho mutters.

Changmin is quiet for a while, and in the quiet he realises that all three of the blind dates he's gone on so far have been with women.

"Why is it okay for me to date women but not men?" He asks.

Yunho squirms. "It's different with women. They can give you things I couldn't - a family, acceptance from society. Normality. I can't deny you that. But if it's a man. . ." His expression abruptly darkens.

The air grows chill. The stove turns off and an invisible force pushes Changmin back against the counter and then Yunho is hovering right in front of him, his ghost eyes glowing.

"I won't let another man touch you," he whispers.

Changmin makes a soft sound and finds himself leaning back. His heart hammers in his throat.

"Did you come back to make sure I was okay or to make sure that I was still yours?" He asks quietly.

Yunho's eyes flicker. "I don't know anymore."

 _Spirits aren't meant to be ghosts_ Boa had said. _It changes them._

Changmin breathes out slow and deep, gets his heart rate under control. 

"I'm yours hyung. I'll always be yours. From now and forever, remember."

Yunho makes a helpless little sound and shifts closer. "Changminnie..."

His voice is a quaver, and moments later Changmin discovers what it's like to kiss a ghost.

It's an entirely odd sensation – a cold, dry brush of air across his lips. Changmin opens his eyes and sees his fridge through the back of Yunho's transparent head and feels his stomach tighten.

When Yunho pulls away Changmin's breath mists the air. He swallows, hot and cold and tangled up inside.

"God I want you," he whispers. 

Yunho's gaze sharpens. "Show me," he says. "Show me how much you want me."

A force pushes him backwards, towards his room. Yunho's gotten stronger - he can move heavier objects now, and Changmin isn't sure if it worries or thrills him.

He gets pushed down onto his bed, wrists pinned to either side of his head. Yunho hovers over him, his aura roiling and dark; the room grows cold, then almost unbearably hot, and Changmin gasps.

"Hyung," he manages.

"It's not fair," Yunho breathes. Changmin's top button pops open. "It's not fair!"

All the buttons rip off his shirt and clatter to the floor. Red lines that ache and sting appear down his chest, as though he's been scratched, and Changmin cries out. The lights flicker and he squirms under the invisible force holding him down.

"Stop stop you're scaring me," he whimpers out.

Yunho pulls away abruptly. The lights stop flickering and the oppressive air in the room abates.

"Changminnie," he says.

Tears well up in Changmin's eyes and spill over, and he sobs until Yunho disappears from sight.

\- - -

Boa hisses in sympathy when he shows her the scratches.

"Yunho did that?" She asks, touching the raised edge of a nasty-looking red line.

"He's getting worse," Changmin says. "He's not himself - it's not the Yunho I know. It's not the Yunho I want to remember." He swallows and looks down. "He's never hurt me before."

Boa shakes her head. He's come to her place to try and escape Yunho's presence at his own - he only ever appears in Changmin's house or the studio - although since that last incident he hasn't appeared at all. It hurts, like losing him all over again, but at the same time Changmin is almost relieved.

Boa gets up and fetches an aloe cream for the scratches.

"Take your shirt off," she says, settling beside him.

Changmin's lips quirk up at the corner. "Anything to get me out of my clothes eh," he teases.

Boa snorts, but the hand that smooths cream onto his chest is gentle. "You think you're real hot stuff don't you."

"I know I am," Changmin says with impressive arrogance. Boa pokes his stomach and he doubles over with a squeak.

Boa smiles. "Idiot," she says fondly. Her hand splays out across his chest, warm and soft.

Changmin meets her eye and feels an odd flutter in the pit of his stomach.

\- - -

"What do you guys think of Boa?" He finds himself asking his friends. "I mean as a woman."

"So hot," Minho immediately says.

Suho nods. "A noona worth banging."

Kyuhyun shrugs. "She's okay."

Somehow Changmin feels offended by Kyuhyun's response.

"She's more than just okay," he insists. "She's a legend. She could crush you with her thighs"

Kyuhyun gives him a weird look. "Since when do you think of Boa as anything but a noona?" He asks.

Changmin looks away. He has no answer to that.

"Whatever," he says gruffly. "Get back to work, this album isn't going to record itself."

\- - -

"Changminnie."

It's a soft flutter of sound against his ear. Changmin rolls over in bed and opens his eyes.

Yunho is lying beside him, hovering just an inch above the covers. His eyes drop to Changmin's chest.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers.

Changmin wants nothing more than to reach out and touch him.

"It's okay," he murmurs.

"I'm so tired Changminnie. I just want to sleep for a while. . .but ghosts can't sleep. . ."

Yunho closes his eyes. Changmin lifts his hand and traces the glowing outline of his face with his fingers, ignoring the chill that creeps up his arm.

"I love you," he whispers.

Yunho opens his eyes and turns his head towards him.

"I love you too," he whispers back.

Changmin takes a deep breath. "I love you but I have to let you go."

Yunho's eyes shine with unshed tears. His ghost hand reaches out and hovers just above Changmin's warm human one.

"Be mine on the other side?"

Changmin manages a wobbly smile. "Always."

He falls asleep with his hand stretched across the covers, reaching for someone who's no longer there.

\- - -

Boa looks adorable and sleep-rumpled when she opens the door for him.

"Hi," she mumbles.

Changmin steps inside and closes the door behind him.

Then he pulls Boa against his body, fits a hand in her hair, and leans down and kisses her.

She gasps against his mouth and responds with a fire that makes Changmin's head spin.

"Hi," he breathes against her lips.

They stumble back and hit the wall. Boa's lips are hot and perfect under his, the curves of her body warm under his hands. Changmin makes a sound and presses up against her, arousal rushing through him when she moans softly.

Somehow they make it to her room. Changmin presses her into the bed and feels a thrill of victory when Boa arches into him with a gasp. God he needs her, he wants to take her now -

"How - when -" Boa gasps. Changmin silences her with deep, wet kisses, their hands roaming over each other.

"Later, later," he manages.

Boa rolls them so she's on top and doesn't ask any more questions.

\- - -

Afterwards they lie there staring at each other, eyes roaming over swollen lips and teeth-bruised necks.

Boa looks unbelievably sexy post-game, her dark hair in disarray and a soft flush on her checks. She sits up with the covers wrapped around her torso and scrubs a hand through her hair.

"Okay. Care to explain what just happened?" she says.

Changmin reaches out and touches the dimples at the small of her back. His head feels clear for the first time in months, his body warm and satiated.

"Let's get married," he hears himself say.

Boa stares at him. "I'm not sure I'm okay with being your rebound wife," she says.

Changmin sits up. "You're not a rebound. And you're not a second choice, so don't even start thinking that. In a world without Yunho you're my first choice. My only choice."

Boa swallows. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Changmin nods. Eyes hooded, Boa looks at him over her shoulder.

"You were always my first choice," she says softly.

Changmin lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. His thumb caresses her waist.

"Damn," he murmurs. Then, after a few seconds, he grins. "I knew you found me hot."

The tension breaks. Boa laughs and shoves him, and Changmin catches her hand and pulls her back down.

"Idiot," she smiles against his lips.

\- - -

The last time he sees Yunho is on his wedding day.

He's a faded, glowing presence, barely visible to the naked eye. But Changmin feels his presence instantly and knows.

He smiles and turns around.

"Hot stuff," Yunho grins at him.

"I made Kyu my best man. Please don't hate him," Changmin says.

"I forgive him," Yunho says magnanimously. "Besides, the one who's really stealing my spot is Boa."

Changmin laughs softly. There are too many emotions rolling in the pit of his stomach - happiness and nervousness and a deep, aching sorrow.

The ghost of Yunho hovers closer.

"Make her happy," he says. "I’ll know if you don’t."

Changmin smiles. "I will," he says.

Yunho's hand hovers over his cheek. His ghost eyes glow bright.

"She can have you in this life," he whispers. "But in the next life and every life after that you're mine."

Changmin swallows and closes his eyes.

The window bursts open and a cool breeze flows in, and when he opens his eyes again Yunho is gone.


End file.
